The Attack of the Perpetual Sleepies

presented by cj

 my husband has now given you a couple of stories about me, so i thought i would return the favor. after reading the title, you may be wondering, “what is a sleepy?” different people call them different things, most notably eye boogers. however, i think that’s gross and apparently my mother did too because we grew up saying “you have a sleepy in your eye (which i had to explain to jonathan the first time, like i have many things that i grew up saying. i’m sure he’ll write a blog about that).” the scientific term is apparently called Rheum. whatever the name, for some reason my husband gets what i call “perpetual sleepies.” and they drive me CRAZY.

it’s not just when he wakes up, it’s at all times of the day. i am constantly getting sleepies out of that man’s eyes. he complains that i hurt him when i do this sometimes, to which i say is ridiculous. when i see a sleepy, it just distracts me. i have to get it. sometimes i warn him, sometimes i don’t, but i very gently reach up and get the nasty sleepy out of his eye. if he has one and he’s talking to me, i can’t help but see the stupid sleepy! i can’t even focus on what my sweet hubby is talking to me about (which 7 times out of 10 it’s probably about some oscar-nominated movie that he has seen, wants to see, and you can guarantee he has read about it). once i get it out, my entire being sighs with relief. it’s amazing.

jonathan does not feel that way. it’s like he sees the lioness about to attack and goes on the defense. he sees my eyes focused on it, my hand unswervingly reaching up towards his face, my finger getting closer to the prey, and right when i’m about to devour it, he moves with sudden jerks like he’s having a seizure and says “ow!” he complains that it is my nails, which yes, i do have nails, but i’ve never worn fake nails a day in my life and don’t keep my real nails very long at all. the reason it “hurts” is because the man moves so much! ladies, have you ever tried to put mascara on a 3 year old? if your daughter is in dance or cheerleading, you haven’t had a choice. i’m sure you’ve done it. at first, they’re so excited about wearing make up. you give them clear instructions on how the mascara is going to go on, that they can’t blink and have to open their eyes (and mouth) very wide. as soon as that black little tool comes close to their eye, they blink, you poke them almost instantly, and then the tears come. but you don’t have a choice, that mascara is going on whether they like it or not. but, once the fight is over and the mascara is on, they look in the mirror and love it.

now, the above depiction of the drama is not near like this. my husband’s not dramatic at all, that would be me (just scroll down to his last post and you’ll see it). however, the point i’m trying to convey is the struggle to get the sleepy out of his eyes. he fights me on the difficult ones that seem to be imbedded in his cornea, but once i get in there, there’s no going back. he just has to fight through that pain and then feel relieved when it’s over. and i feel relieved that i got the sucker out.

ah. i feel better just talking about it.

1 thought on “The Attack of the Perpetual Sleepies

  1. it does too hurt. a lot.


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