presented by J:
so, one week ago (last Friday, that is), my wife made me some delicious chicken enchiladas. ohhhh, they were so good. but that’s not the point of this story.
we sit down on the “sectional” together to enjoy dinner while watching the film adaptation of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban which shares that fabulous title, and is directed by Alfonso Cuaron, who is a CONSIDERABLY better director than Christopher Columbus (the movie-maker, not sailor, though i can certainly see how the two could be confused). Christopher Columbus the movie-maker has made little-known films such as Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Harry Potter and the Gremlins Unleashed. Christopher Columbus the sailor is known for “discovering” America despite the fact there were other people living here first.
but that’s not the point of this story. the point of this story is that while we were watching the movie and yet after we had finished eating enchiladas, my wife began to complain that her hand felt like it was burning. i decided to get her a bag with ice to put on her hand, hoping this would help it to feel better. when this proved less effective than i had hoped, i decided to do what every warm-blooded American man would do: i went to google.
i typed in “random hand burning,” which apart from yielding some entertaining albeit disturbing reading. then Christa realized that she had handled the jalapenos with her bare hands and maybe some of the juice had been absorbed into her hand. now, Christa has handled jalepeños on multiple occasions and this has never happened before, so i was a bit skeptical at first.
checking the plausibility of this scenario with google, i found that this scenario was indeed plausible. in fact, it appears that no less than 2.5 million Americans suffer from jalepeno juice attacks every year. (statistic can be found here for the more skeptical of my readers.)
i immediately searched for remedies, and found several helpful tips, including:
1) applying rubbing alcohol to the affected area
-apparently, this is supposed to be able to pull the dreaded jalapeño juice from out of the skin, but for the most effectiveness, it has to be done as soon as possible. it brought a bit of relief to my dear, suffering wife, but her hand continued to burn.
2) apply milk (or yogurt) to affected area
-Christa was in enough pain she was willing to try anything, so away we went to the kitchen to fetch a bowl and fill it with milk.
again, this brought some limited relief, but not permanent. her hand was either icy cold (from being in the bowl of milk) or burning hot (after removing from the bowl of milk).
3) baking soda/milk paste
-we did not try this option because it sounded complex and required more time than we were willing to devote to this problem, but i’m sure it’s great for both treating random hand burning and as a delicious treat.
we performed “milk therapy” several times and it brought limited results. in the end, Christa decided to just endure the pain because she was tired and wanted to go to sleep.
in short, the jalepeño juice may have won the battle, but my wifey put up a good fight and i think we won the war. good job, baby!
moral of the story: wear gloves when you handle jalapeños or suffer the consequences.