presented by j:
some days, my wonderful wife picks me up from work and i can tell she is down (see: “blue“) about something, and i start trying to figure out why:
a) something bad happened at work
b) one of her friends/family members is in trouble
c) she finally realized “Glee” (see: “terrible show”) is terrible
when we arrive home, i will muster my most sympathetic of tones:
me: baby, are you alright?
her: (oozing sadness) no…
me: i can tell…what’s wrong?
her: (loooooonnnnnggggg siiiiiiiggggghhhhhh) i just wanna pup…
her puppy fever has gotten worse. worse. worse. here are some recent events that will help put it into perspective:
recent event 1: on the way to church (see: “church“)
her: …and i just think that it’s important to-(enter puppy outside window)-OHBABYLOOKATTHEWHITEPUPPYWITHTHEEARS!!! OHBABY, HELP ME, HELP!!!*
* “Help” being said with two syllables as “hay-elp.” (see: “country“)
recent event 2: the stalker dog
we arrive home and get out of the car. a small, half-chihuahua-looking dog (see: “ugly dog that christa does not even like”) starts following behind us. i see the creature but choose to ignore it. christa spots it as we walk up to the door and gets a big smile and two big eyes. she flings the door open, trying to coerce the dog to come inside, which somehow, (to her) means we have to keep it.
her: but, baby…it needs a home! look, he’s shaking!!!
recent event 3: the not-a-dog-at-all
her: ooh, baby, look – he needs a home! he wants to come inside with us!
me: (with disturbed look of incredulity) that. is. not. even. a. dog. NO.
you know how single people see the world in pairs? (don’t see: “pears“) well, my wife sees the world in puppies right now. i’ve learned that i just have to accept that fact.
don’t get me wrong – i’m as excited as the next guy to one day be the master of a cute, cuddly canine. but that day is not today. nor tomorrow. and probably not the day after it, much to my wife’s chagrin.
in the words of forrest gump (see: “great movie”), “that’s all i have to say about that.”