this is my first father’s day. and though my son doesn’t have my name yet, he’s mine. and it’s a joy to come home every day from work and see him waiting at the window with his mama (and puppy) looking out for me.
but recently i’ve also found myself wrestling with the idea that i’m not his only father.
my son has a birth father, just like all adopted kids do. and if i’m honest with myself (and others), i have to confess that it’s easy for me to bear some resentment towards this man that i have never met.
i know that’s wrong – and also strange. i mean, how can you really have a grudge against someone you’ll never actually know? especially when there’s so little you actually know about him?
after all, we all have our faults and i’m sure if someone were to write mine down and exclude the rest of who i am, i’m sure i wouldn’t seem flattering either. i’m not particularly flattering in the first place.
and i also have to approach Kai’s birth father with the lenses of serendipity – that had different choices been made, then we would not have Kai in the first place. this was God’s plan – and God is sovereign to take sin and mistakes and use them to bring about good and joy.
and that’s His role as Father. and so, i pray that the same Father who has adopted me will also adopt Kai – that my son will have a third father, the best father.
all three of us – Kai’s birth father, me, and the Heavenly Father – have a part in his story.
because i know that even on my best days, i am certainly not without fault and yet my Father has grace towards me. and so i need to pray for grace towards Kai’s birth father, whoever and wherever he may be. and i pray i will be a good father who points Kai to the best Father.
i love this kid.