Team Jordan

To Kai:

4 years. It’s so hard to believe. 4 years ago, we woke up crazy early. We had to be in Dallas by 8:00 am, then stand around for an hour before we were called before the judge. The judge, who had never met you, but was reviewing countless documents and determining that you joining our family was “in the best interest of this child.”

I put you in some baby jeggings, a button down shirt, strapped you in your carseat, and off we went. You didn’t know where we were going or why lots of our other family members were there when we showed up in this unfamiliar government building. You didn’t know why we stood in front of this woman in a black robe, who was following documents as our lawyer was publicly laying them out, as your Dad and I with shaky voices and tears down our cheeks said yes to our lawyer’s questions. Then, the woman in the black robe looked up sweetly, took off her reading glasses, and declared “I do believe this adoption is in the best interest of this child…” And decreed it so. And a wave of emotions, our whole process flashed before my mind like a movie in fast forward. The constant prayer, the mountain of paperwork, the endless red tape, the hurt of the wait, the feeling completely out of control yet trusting our God who was in control the whole time, the fundraising, laying my eyes on you for the first time and hearing your name written all over my mind and heart as I held this perfect little stranger, my heart melting with love right in my chest, crying in the hotel room in Japan wondering if this really was going to happen, flying home not knowing when we would be coming back or if we would even be chosen to be yours, the hurt of the wait again, the phone call in the middle of Whole Foods where everything around me just stopped and stood still, flying back to Japan and seeing you for the second time, the way you raised up and smiled at me when I touched your back, how you were so fascinated with your Daddy’s facial hair, the many rides on the Shinkansen to and from Tokyo, signing more legal documents, walking with you in our arms to the Ebisu station, not sleeping one single wink in the hotel that first night, the craziness at the Embassy, our first outing at the Ueno Zoo as a family, Tokyo Disneyland before we left, the long trip home, the hard road of attachment, wearing you all the time and never getting any sleep, monthly social worker visits and countless doctor appointments, and so much more in-between, all of it led to that moment.

I looked down at you, nearly 11 months old at that point. You didn’t realize the impact that day. But on that day, we finally, legally, irrevovably, OFFICIALLY became Team Jordan.

It was worth it. YOU are worth it all.

You’re mama always gets sappy around this time. I just can’t hold it together. The whole thing is just magnificient to me. Our journey to each other wasn’t easy. No one’s journey in the adoption triad is remotely easy. But what is crazy to me is how 4 perfect strangers (your first mom, you, your dad, and me) could be connected by such great love. Love for you, love for each other. That’s the power of love. True love doesn’t have limits. It’s not confining, there’s no box to put it in, it just is. True love is a choice, not an emotion that comes and goes in waves. True love is brave, it looks fear straight in the face and moves past it anyways. It knows there is something beyond, and it will fight to get there.

You are loved little boy, so much. More than you could possibly know. The conversations I’m having with you these days are so hard but so good. You are learning and feeling the “both, and.” Both sorrow and joy in adoption. Both loss and gain in adoption. They are difficult things for such a small boy to wrap his mind around, and I know we have many more conversations to go and things to process. We are always, always here to process and answer in honesty with you. You never have been, and never will be alone. We’re Team Jordan. I look forward to so many more years of celebrating becoming Team Jordan. I’m excited to watch you grow, to add more members to our team, to watch you welcome them in and love them with that same fierce love. Getting to be your mom is my greatest adventure. I’m so thankful I get to do this life with your Dad and you.  Happy Team Jordan Day.

All my love,

Mom

 

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